Why My Blog Is Titled Shadow Living?

From as far back as my memory will allow me to go;  I always felt like I was living “in someone else’s shadow.”  I wouldn’t understood the why behind it until years later.  But, it is connected to my childhood.  Growing up feeling invisible, unheard and dismissed had a tremendous effect on me.  Looking back, after years of God peeling back the layers and revealing facts vs. lies I realize it was no one’s fault.  Events, choices are made in life that leave ripple effects on a child’s heart.  BUT GOD!  He has a way of redeeming, restoring, resurrecting who He made us to be!  When we choose to let go of a life lived “in the shadow” of others and begin to live in the shadow of The Almighty!

Living in someone else’s shadow you tend to lose your own.  Or in my case have a really hard time finding it.  Remember how Peter Pan was always looking for his shadow?  He came into the nursery looking for it, thinking he had left it on one of those nights when Wendy would read to him. Wendy finds it and sews it onto his feet so he wouldn’t lose it again.  That’s what it feels like to not really know who you are.  To not have your own shadow or what we call identity.  You feel like something has been lost so you keep looking to find it.  I was looking for my “shadow” (my identity) but instead of sewing it on so I would not lose it again, for me; it was easier to just blend in and live in someone else’s shadow.

I grew up  in an environment where physical appearance or beauty was of utmost importance.  Now, beauty is not a bad thing.  But when that is the object of conversation or compliments were given only to the beautiful ones,  it can be a hard environment to grow up in.  Especially, if you don’t feel like one of the beautiful ones.  I was the little girl with gray teeth and freckles across my nose and a pixie haircut!  I was the quiet, shy kid who never looked people in the eye when they talked to me.  So living in the shadow of another was easy.  I was accustomed to it.  It had become my safe place.

In that type of atmosphere, it is easy to blend into the wallpaper, because there was always someone all too eager to take center stage! There were quite a few in my sphere of life who were willing to have all eyes & ears on them.  As a matter of fact, if they weren’t the center of attention believe you me, they would make sure they were seen and heard!  It was nauseating and exhausting.   I was definitely not one of those!  I just tried to stay out of the way.  So at an early age I learned to live in the shadows.   After many years of searching, seeking and self medicating something inside of me  woke up!

Through My Abba’s help in his word, prayer, pain & counseling I have been set free to step out of a life lived in another person’s  “shadow” and am learning how to live abundantly in the Shadow of The Almighty!

I am sincerely hoping there are others out there in blogosphere world who can relate to my experience.  My heart is to share my story of restoration, redemption & renewal so others can find their true identity & freedom in knowing who they are and why they were created.  Purpose brings peace & power.  I have found that shadow living can be a wonderful way of life but the key is choosing to live in the right shadow.   Hoping to hear from a few of you soon.

Choosing to live in the shadow of the Almighty,
Psalm 91:1-2 Shadow Living

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Exposing Scars…

When we expose our scars through writing there are risks involved.   We risk being misunderstood and misinterpreted.  Revealing our healing story makes us vulnerable to critics, skeptics, and those who just don’t get it.   That’s ok!  There are others who need to hear our story.  Someone out there needs to understand that they are not alone.

So, I write!  Even though no one knows my name. Well, there is One who knows my name!  Even though I don’t have a platform (working on that).   I write!   I heard the call to write my story for His glory!  Deep down I know there are others out there like me, who have stood in the shadow of someone or something else their entire life.  We were never meant to live this life in anyone else’s shadow.  We were created to dwell in the shelter of the Most High and stand in the shadow of the Almighty!

If sharing my story helps one person turn to Jesus Christ.  If exposing my scars leads one person on a journey of healing in the shadow of His Wings; It will be worth it all!  There are many that live in the “shadow” of others who suffer with depression, anxiety, doubt & fear.  It is for those who will get it that I write.

I am trusting My Abba to use my story for His glory!

Psalm 91:1-2


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God’s Invitation To All… “Come in and know me better man”

via God’s Invitation To All… “Come in and know me better man”

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Great Article!


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To the Hagars of The World

My heart has this aching pain for those on the fringes!

The left-out
The forgotten
The left behind
The unpopular ones
The mis-fits
The misunderstood

The ones who feel like outcasts.

Take comfort & consider today my friends…God is the God who SEES You! El Roi’ is His name. He sees your pain, your brokenness, your loneliness. He sees and He can heal the pain. He can repair the broken pieces of your heart. He can give you the friends you need. He can make you the friend someone else needs. He also desires to be your closest friend. He is the one who promises to…”never leave you or forsake you”

He desires to lavish His holy love on you! His love is extravagant! You are loved! You are wanted! You are His!

Guess what else? Yes!, He loves you but, He also likes you!

Your quirky personality.
Your uniqueness.
Your awkwardness.
All of you! He likes you!

While others may leave you out, or when you feel over-looked, unnoticed, forgotten or invisible…

Your heavenly Father sees you!

He includes you!
He notices you!
He remembers you!
He sees you!

His arms are open wide & he has invited you into a magnificent relationship through His One & Only Begotten Son Jesus Christ.

You are valuable to the King of the world!

You are not alone.

You are important!

In the Shadow of the Almighty,


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In The Shadow of Protection

One of the shadows I lived in as a child and one that attached itself to me and hovered over me well into my adult years; is what I have dubbed,”the shadow of rejection.”   I don’t recall from my childhood sitting around obsessing over the fact that I had no real Daddy.   I was a kid for pete’s sake! I was doing what kids do, playing with friends, going to school living life.

I was just doing it without anyone to call Daddy.

So, I don’t remember thinking as a child, “my daddy abandoned me” or “I was rejected by my daddy”.  In fact,  I didn’t understand until many years later how living in the shadow of rejection had affected every area my life.  How this shadow followed me into each and every relationship.   Overtime, I began to get it!

Growing up,  I began to understand that the Father who should have loved, protected and provided for me instead rejected & neglected me.  He made a conscious choice not to be involved in my life!  I mean, it wasn’t like he had no choice in the matter. He still had breath in his lungs.  He didn’t die.  He wasn’t hindered by poor health or by circumstances that made the choice for him.  He simply chose not to be my Daddy.  He chose not to be part of my life.  He and my grand parents chose to pretend that I didn’t exist.  I was a mistake, one I suppose they all wanted to forget about!

Growing up in the shadow of rejection can have lasting effects on a  girl’s heart.  Little did I know then that my earthly father’s choice to reject me was actually a protection that my heavenly father would choose to reveal decades later!

So, I lived in this shadow for years, although I didn’t realize it.  I always, wondered what was wrong with me. Why wasn’t I good enough?   I silently struggled with self worth and value for what seemed like a lifetime.  For the life of me I couldn’t understand why someone who should have been there chose to be absent.  I spent years trying to grasp why my father would abandon me.

The only thing I knew about him was that he was a great dancer.  He was  known as the “Shag King” and apparently he was a party boy.  I was told I looked just like him and he lived in a city not too far from where I was raised.  I was told he was allowed to see me but saw me one last time when I was 3 and that was it.  I walked around for years with a gaping, bleeding wound in my heart.  To top that off insensitive adults would say things to me about seeing “my father” at this place or that place, like I was supposed to know who he was?  I would just feel so sad and confused about that. Treating children like adults and talking about things in such a callous way does hurt a child’s heart.  We should be careful what we say in the ear shot of a child.  But, never the less, it was what it was.

During my teen years one of his sisters who I didn’t know called once and it was awkward, I didn’t know her and she talked to me like I did!  I remember getting angry and wanting to cuss her out!  As I got older married and had children of my own.  It began to really hurt!  I often wondered about him; where he lived, knowing he had a family and other kids, I wondered what they looked like, but mostly I wondered why he couldn’t love me but could love them.  His lack of care, concern or love for me was confirmed years later when I heard from one of his sisters who pretty much told me as far as he is concerned in regards to me, “you are in the past.” Oh! ok I said outloud, “like I am dead or something!”  When I grew up and got married I remember that same sister contacted me and my Mom out of the blue, wanting to meet with us and talk.  So, we set up a time to meet.  She eventually cancelled, we never did meet and I never heard from her again.

Years go by, life moves on my walk in Christ is moving forward.  At 50 years old I attended what seemed like a random bible study and meet a woman who was God’s agent of truth in my life.

God is The revealer of all truth!  His timing is also perfect. He truly does know what is best for each of His children.  Two summers ago I was involved in a local bible study in my community.  During that study I met a woman and we talked a bit on facebook.  It was through what appeared to be a very random circumstance with this casual acquaintance that I found out I was not rejected but instead I was protected!  What seemed random was orchestrated by My Abba!  He knew I needed closure on my past, to move completely forward into my future. He knew I had a broken heart.  He knew I dealt with feeling rejected my entire life.  God is the mender of broken things and the heart is His expertise! What I learned that summer was not random at all.  It was time for me to understand I was rejected by my earthly father, but what was so much better; I was protected by my  heavenly Father!


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The Faith of Abraham

Romans 4:16-21 – Therefore, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed to all Abraham’s offspring—not only to those who are of the law but also to those who have the faith of Abraham. He is the father of us all. 17 As it is written: “I have made you a father of many nations.” 17 He is our father in the sight of God, in whom he believed—the God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not as though they were.  18 Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” 19 Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead.  20 Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God,  21 being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.

This morning as I was reading through Romans 4, the passage above leapt off the written page and came alive in my heart!  The word is absolutely alive and active (Heb. 4:12).  If you know his journey with God; you see Abraham’s faith was not in his obedience to God.  Although, that was important.  His faith was not even in the promise! Albeit he knew God would bring it to pass.

Abraham’s faith was in “the God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not as though they were.”   

WOW!   You see, he was 100 years old and he knew his body was as good as dead.  Sara was old too, her womb was dead!  DEAD!  No possibility for life to form in a dead womb!  It’s impossible!

But, isn’t that what our God does?

The impossible!

 He takes what seems utterly ridiculous and makes it an absolute reality!

 I really think it gives God great joy to blow His kids minds!  The word says, “Abraham believed without weakening in his faith.  He did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God!”

But y’all know when Issac was born from a womb that should have been dead; Abraham and Sarah were completely blown away! 

These incredible truths made me do some soul-searching.    The Holy Spirit began activating the word in my heart with these questions: 

1.  Do I have the faith of Abraham?

2. Is my faith in the promises of God or in the Promise Keeper?

3. Do I believe like my father Abraham in the God who not only gives life to the dead        but on top of that… calls into being things that are not as though they are?

4. Am  I fully persuaded that God has the power to do what He has promised me?

SO, can I ask you a few questions to give you something to ponder and mull over this week?  

What things in your life are as good as dead?   Or maybe are definitely dead.
Maybe there are dead relationships and your heart is broken.
A dead marriage? Financial hardship? Your health?
Maybe a lost loved one who is dead in trespasses and sins?
Could it be a dead God-given dream or vision for your life?

I have some things in my life that appear as good as dead.  Some truly break my heart. But you know what they say, “Things aren’t always what they seem.”

So let’s agree to ask The Lord Almighty to forgive us for our unbelief and let’s be honest we all have times of unbelief.

Repent & Believe!

We love and serve a God who was true to His promise to Abraham and Sarah!

 He raised Jesus Christ from the DEAD!

A God who transferred us from darkness to light.

Who has spoken promises to us through His Word!

Let’s believe BIG in the GOD of the Promise!  Let’s take our “dead” things to His throne room and lay them down at His beautiful feet.  Knowing He can and will call those things in our lives that are dead to life!

Let’s not waver in our belief regarding His promises but let the waiting strengthen our  faith so we too can give God glory!

 Let’s be fully persuaded that God will do what He says He will do!  He will call things that are not as though they are!

Let’s ask God to give us the faith of Abraham!




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Encouragement to Mommas of Young Children

This is to those Mom’s who have chosen or have been afforded the ability to be SAHM’s for a season. Some have no choice. Others choose not to. This is not a slam to them. Was meant to encourage those in this place….

A quote from the “Prince of Preachers” –

“You are as much serving God in looking after your own children, and training them up in God’s fear, and minding the house, and making your household a church for God, as you would be if you had been called to lead an army to battle for the Lord of hosts.” Charles Spurgeon

To those Momma’s in this season of life! Thought you might need a bit of encouragement! The world is screaming at you to abandon your home & your children in the name of woman power! There is also a message not necessarily taught but definitely caught in our church culture today. That a mother being faithful to God in her role as a wife, Mother (esp. of young children) & in her home is somehow not involved in “Kingdom work”.

Remember, this season will pass all too quickly! You can’t go back and have a do-over…there is a time for serving in bigger ways in & outside our churches.

Just be careful & wise in where & when you put your Yes on the table!

Don’t let the good take the place of the best!

Don’t let everyone else’s urgent crowd out what is most important in your life!

Pray & ask God to fill in your calendar.

It’s not that we can’t or shouldn’t serve elsewhere; it is just that this season is so short.

No one else is called to be your children’s Mother.

God gave them to you.

From someone who has been there & done that.

Disclaimer: this is NOT a post to discredit women in ministry outside the walls of their homes. Just a bit of honest reflection. Hopefully this will encourage young Mommas to be faithful to their husbands, faithful at home & to understand that being faithful as a Mother is definitely kingdom work!

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