From as far back as my memory will allow me to go; I have felt like I was living “in someone else’s shadow.” I guess it was because I never really knew who I was. Or maybe I was just never comfortable in my own skin. I never really understood the why behind it until years later. As a child I remember feeling completely invisible and never really felt like I had a voice or was truly ever heard. I distinctly recall feeling like I was always in the background; blending in with the wallpaper or the furniture.
Living in someone else’s shadow you tend to lose your own. Or in my case have a really hard time finding it. Remember how Peter Pan was always looking for his shadow? He came into the nursery looking for it, thinking he had left it on one of those nights when Wendy would read to him. Wendy finds it and sews it onto his feet so he wouldn’t lose it again. That’s what it feels like to not really know who you are. To not have your own shadow or what we call identity. You feel like something has been lost so you keep looking to find it. I was looking for my “shadow” but instead of sewing it on so I would not lose it again, for me; it was easier to just blend in and live in someone else’s shadow.
I grew up in an environment where physical appearance or beauty was of utmost importance. Now, beauty is not a bad thing. But when that is the object of conversation or compliments were given only to the beautiful ones, it can be a hard environment to grow up in. Especially, if you don’t feel like one of the beautiful ones. I was the little girl with gray teeth and freckles across my nose and a pixie haircut! I was the quiet, shy kid who never looked people in the eye when they talked to me. So living in the shadow of another was easy. It was my safe place.
In that type of atmosphere, it is easy to blend into the wallpaper, because there was always someone all too eager to take center stage! There were quite a few in my sphere of life who were willing to have all eyes & ears on them. As a matter of fact, if they weren’t the center of attention believe you me, they would make sure they were seen and heard! It was nauseating and exhausting. I was definitely not one of those! I just tried to stay out of the way. So at an early age I learned to live in the shadows. After many years of searching, seeking and self medicating something inside of me woke up! I finally began to realize I was never created or designed to live in the shadow of another human being. I was created and uniquely designed to live in the shadow of The Almighty.
This blog will be a place where I hope to share some of my own waking up experience and I hope you will join me. My journey which I am still on, is how I was able to step out from living in the land of “shadow” and am learning how to live in the Shadow of The Almighty!
I am sincerely hoping there are others out there in blogosphere world who can relate to my experience. I am hoping that someone out there needs to hear my story. Freedom is found in knowing who you are and why you were created. Purpose brings peace & power. I have found that shadow living can be a wonderful way of life but the key is choosing to live in the right shadow. Hoping to hear from a few of you soon.
Psalm 91:1-2 Shadow Living